Look at me go!

Look at me, two posts in two days. I'm going to be one of those stellar bloggers. Not one of those who leaves you hanging not to return for months (you know who you are!). In honesty those people probably have a busier, cooler life than I, but here I am eager, excited, and have kids napping. One thing that came to mind after I became an official blogger, was oh crap, are pastor's wives allowed to blog, are they allowed to say crap? Are things I post on here going to be too honest, too random, and too, well, me, that people may judge me, my ministry, or even worse my husband's. So you Grace folk, you are only allowed to read it if you pretend I am someone else, and promise not to question Ritchey's judgement in his lifemate and therefore other areas. Ok, we'll just see how it goes. Ritchey is being alerted to every post so that he can be big brother,( hi honey!) and keep me in line. Thankfully I'm at a church who will allow for some of my zany side.
Ok, so let me bring you up to speed on life around here. My oldest just went to 2nd grade. His teacher is not there because of ruptured disks so the 3rd grade teachers are tag-teaming his class. I'm trying to trust God on this one, but not the best news on day one of school. I sent my 2nd baby, Cooper, to school for the first time this year, he is in pre-k and after I dropped him off the first day he cried for 30 minutes asking for his "bubby" his brother. But the good news he went today and no tears! So now I am left with Sophie, my 2 year old at home with me. I've never had just a 2 year old home with me for long, I've always had another baby to come along and occupy us around this time. So this is kinda new territory. I'm not sure what we're going to do with ourselves. Ok, I have two intended points in this post, and I'm getting there.

1- I'm sure you've noticed the massive number of people who have status updates re: kids going back to school and how hard it is, well here are my thoughts. It is really hard. I'm surprised every year at my sadness. I'm not even one of those mom's whose lives revolves around their kids. I love mine to pieces, but I love leaving them too sometimes and love having my own life. But geez, there is something about school. I think the thing is, especially when you are a stay at home mom, is that it is the mourning of the end of a phase. This phase, as mindnumbing as it is, went so fast and really was so sweet and special. The days were long but the years were short. And now my cooper is in school. Men don't get it, Ritchey isn't sad much at all. But these kids are my friends, my whole day, and now there is one left behind! I have been so grateful these last days to God for the opportunity to get to stay home with my children, I know many don't have that privilege. And as impatient as I am with them, as crazy as they drive me, it is a privilege and worth every financial and social sacrifice. They will always be what is best about me and what I have to show for myself at the end of my life. And now they are big, getting bigger, not needing me as much and not as cuddly, and that is sad. Its a weird tension, wanting them to grow up and get out of diapers, or learn to read, or be in a regular seatbelt, whatever, and also still wishing they would rock with you, fall asleep on you, and jabber in the way on a 18 mo old can. If someone finds the secret to cherishing these little things at the time while also letting go, please let me know!

2- Ok, so the second and I'll keep this very short and save the rest for tomorow, is because of all the above post, I am looking to get out into the real world again! I have lived life with children and church the last 5 years. Pouring my life into both- but also neglecting a part of life that is inside of me. The part that wants to return to some of my social work, community mercy, roots. So I have met with 3 different directors of 3 different community agencies, Red Cross where my friend is director, Children's Advocacy Center, and Volunteers of America, (which basically does just about every service a community needs). And over the weekend I'm going to pray about each one, and see where God will lead me. I am sooo excited about this. But the options even at the VOA alone are overwhelming, and if any of you have ever shopped with me or eaten out with me, you'll know that I don't do so well with numerous options, I'm a tad indecisive and tend to overthink things. (I one time ordered 7 pairs of boots and brought them home cuz I needed more time to choose just the lifechanging right one, and I've even quizzed a McDonald's worker about menu items). I'm excited to relight some passions, get out there, be productive outside of my home. So you'll see posts to come about that and I'll probably solicit advice on where to end up.

Thanks for putting up with this post. I imagine most newbie bloggers have diarrhea of the mouth their first couple of times. So pass the pepto!