Thoughts about raising kids.

So Ritch and I got in a serious child raising discussion the other night. I think I have mentioned that my boys have been in this neverending (like going on a year now) hyper mode phase. Its hard to enjoy dinner times, free time, family time, and all times in between because you are having to holler over their loudness, force them in the bath, force them in bed, and break up the fights. But more than outright disobedience it is just the energy they have which does lead to them not hearing a word we are saying. Anyhoo, Ritch in particular has not enjoyed this phase of parenting. It exhausts him physically and me mentally. He feels all he does from the minute he gets home is say, no, stop that, no, no, cut it out, time out, spanking, get in bed, quiet down, kinda stuff, and that is no fun. He was sharing all the fun memories of his childhood, and specifically commented that he was ever like this as a boy. Now granted we rarely remember what we were like, but I do believe that he was a quiet boy, always in his head, solving problems, etc. And the personality of he and his brother are different then ours. But its also hard not to examine our parenting, is there something we are doing that is causing such distruption and craziness. So since Ritchey can only compare our childrearing and homelife to that he had growing up, this is what he went on. The only conclusion Ritchey can come to is the fact that we lead a much more structured home life then he had growing up. His family never had bed times, never monitored t.v. time or junk food consumption, never had their kids get jobs in their teen years, no curfews, etc. Sam and Janet are very much go with the flow, flexible folks. And despite what most parenting books might say, they produced 3 excellent, responsible young men. Our house is quite different. We are in no way some authoritative prison like home. But we definitely have some boundaries. We have snacks at snack time rather then grazing all day, we have limits on t.v. time and video game time. We have a pretty consistent bedtime and nap times. We have family dinners most nights, battling with Cooper every night to choke down his food. We have homework time, clean up time, etc. etc. Now I personally don't feel that these structures are too, well structured. But Ritchey wonders. Are our kids having a fun and carefree childhood, or are we dictating their every move. It definitely got me thinking, I see his point. But when I break it down, I truly feel like all of these structures/routines are from my conviction and heart, and are best for my family. They are not decisions made on a whim or to have a controlled life. I truly don't want my kids watching t.v. at their whim. I don't want video games to be their go to activity, I want them to ask when they want a snack rather then have free reign of the junkfood drawer and so forth so on. I realize this is different in every family and I totally reserve judgement, but my heart of hearts just can't relax on it. I have this problem lots in life. I am pretty black and white when it comes to my personal convictions. Now thankfully, thanks to Romans, I have relaxed in how I apply my convictions to others, but for myself and my family, its hard to shake what I feel is best. I'm certainly open to discussion, as Ritchey and I did the other night, but it takes a very good argument or a massive movement of the spirit to show me otherwise. And let me interject that I am trying to say YES to their random crazy impulses more, reserving no to those things I feel strongly about. Anyhoo, So here are my conclusions, and I would definitely be open to some of yours. Ritchey thinks the boys are acting up because of all the rules/structures (but he couldn't name a rule or routine that he thinks should go), I think they are in this phase cuz of their ages. 7 years old is a not an older child with maturity and self discipline, but they are slowly trying to find their new independence, have wildly creative minds, and still tons of toddler energy. Cooper, my 5 year old, well that is all you have to say, 5 year old boy with an older brother. No longer is he this 3 or 4 year old toddler that just toddles around folllowing and obeying his brother, now he is a full on participant with his own crazy ideas and plans and voice. I dunno, any amens to these two ages. So combined, watch out. And Cooper especially is my free spirit, melodramatic one, which Ritchey's family never had thrown into the mix. And my second conclusion, is yes, my kids may not have the same fond memories that Ritchey has, like late nights with his parents, or cartoons all Saturday morning (although we do all snuggle in bed and watch a few cartoons together on Saturday), but they will have fun memories, just different memories. I dunno, maybe I'm making excuses. I do know that as Parker in particular ages, I need to figure out how to give him freedoms and independence. And I don't want them to look back on this time as a time they tried to break free. But I just don't feel that is what our family is like, I"m not sure Ritchey thinks that way either. The point is, we are trying our best (pretty much), we are seeking the Lord and following what I hope He is laying on our hearts, and we are trying to keep the dialogue going, remaining flexible over the years. I think our kids have  a good life. I think when we do follow our routines and our rules, I do it in love and most of the time tenderness. We all do damage to our kids in the long run, I hope ours is kept to a minimum. So as Ritch and I ended our discussion, our final thought, was, man, raising kids is hard. Especially if you want to do a good job. Ok, I vented. I don't post this necessarily looking for answers, although if you have some, do share. And I don't post this to hear feedback saying, "oh, no, you are doing a great job". I just do it to keep up the dialogue I suppose, and to be held accountable maybe, and well just to vent, cuz that is what a blog is all about. Thanks for listening to my more serious rantings this evening. Here is a pic of my wonderful little clan, just for the fun of it.

Will you Marry Me

So today Parker had a friend over, a friend who is a girl. Parker is totally not into girls, kinda understands what a girlfriend is, kinda doesn't. But he is a goofball. So in the car today he and his friend girl were in the way back of my smokin mini van. He leans over to her and says "You are lovely and I'm going to marry you and kiss you." At which he lunged for her to peck one on her. Now he didnt' say this in a sweet meaningful way, but in a teasing kinda way. She yelled back, "oh no your not mr. kissy bissy, you are gross and disgusting and crazy. Nice. He kept trying to lay one on her in an annoying (and innocent way). I finally told him to quit and to save his kisses for his wife. That whoever he married someday wouldn't be so happy that he gave away so many kissed to Rebekah when he was 7. "Well what if I marry her?" was his as usual smart alec response. At which she reminded him that there was no way she was going to marry him. Then he proceeds to tell me that no one wants to marry him, that all girls think boys are ugly and gross. Now Rebekah did chime in that she thinks boys are beautiful. So then Parker changed gears and instead of kissing her, tried picking his nose in front of her, seriously debating whether he should wipe a booger on her. Nice, Parker, real lady killer, wonder why Rebekah called you gross and disgusting.

Sleepover Fun

Oh how fun 7 year old boys are. If you haven't had one around you in a while, they are a funny breed. And you kinda think your's is the only dorky one, until you get them together and see the symphony of fun and dorky all put together. They laugh at the littlest of things, bodily noises, dumb jokes, funny sounds, physical comedy. And they seem to be trying to one up each other in everything, especially in the realm of laughs. Thus started our night, our first sleepover with 2 other wonderful dorky little boys (and I do say dorky with all the love in my heart). On the way back to our house from picking them up, they filled the back seat with loud squeels and the aforementioned dumb jokes. Parker especially was crazy, bouncing around trying to make his friends laugh with any little comment. Thankfully he sort of chilled out by the time he got home. It was interesting watching the dynamics. You could definitely tell the other two had older siblings, they were much wiser in the ways of the world, well in the ways of their christian school world. Parker was singing some rhymig song and would stumble upon a bad word on accident, like when he was rhyming something to Ritch. He had no idea it was a bad word but the other too were quick to point it out. It was kinda cute though, they begged him not to say that word anymore, that is wasn't a good word. They were the cuss police. And funny thing the next song was them quoting all the books of the Bible they had learned at school. I was cracking up from the front seat. Listening to them debate what came after 1 Corinthians was comical as I'm pretty sure this was the first time in the history of 2nd grade boy sleepovers this had been done. Anyhoo. I digress. We went home had pizza, rootbeer and cheese puffs. (have you ever tried to have just one handful of cheesepuffs, impossible). They played some Wii NBA basketball. Another opportunity for the other boys to show their higher level of maturity. They knew every player, team, and move and smack talking. At one point one little boy yelled out after a slam dunk, "That's how I roll, suckas, Lebron's the man". parker had no idea what they were talking about or even how to play the game, he had always been content playing 1990's version of double dribble with his dad. And as he shied away from playing, readily confessing he didn't know how, they were so sweet to encourage him to try and that they would show him what to do. They really were sweet boys. Not one bit of fighting, bickering, gossip, drama, malice and so forth, quite different from my sleepover days. After video games we went outside to build a fire and roast marshmallows. They were hysterical out there too, in typical 7 year old boy fashion. And another highlight of the evening was that one boy (while I ran inside) peed on the fire to help it go out. Priceless.  A huge wrestling fest took place at jammy time, that was my favorite part. I see my boys wrestle with Ritchey all the time, but this was way better. No fake daddy moves, no letting the other guy win, even Cooper jumped on the dog pile. They were giggling like little girls. One boy had no modesty in changing clothes (same kid who peed on the fire), another brought along cologne so he could smell better, and Parker got dressed behind his chair. We popped in a movie and finally turned out the lights on 3 tired boys at a 11 p.m. And of course everyone was up by 7 a.m. I put myself thru the torture of making star wars pancakes again, served up with chocolate milk. And after breakfast, more wii, more outside play and after a  lego building contest, the boys were gone. And it was a ton of fun. Such sweet, fun loving, innocent little boys. I loved it and so did Parker, and Cooper for that matter since they were kind enough to include him on almost everything. We will definitely do a sleepover again, maybe not too soon, since it left in its wake 2 very tired and crabby boys. And actually Cooper 2 days later has been in bed all day with a 102 degree temp. Probably not related, but the lack of sleep probably didn't help his immune system. Yay for little boys, frogs and snails and puppy dog tails. Enjoy the pics and brief clip of the future of WWF.

Highs and Lows of Motherhood

Ok- First the high moment before I share my low moment.
I have a new trick for clean up time around the house. Our basic 5 o'clock clean up that I have shared about in the past was getting kind of old and routine, still working, but just not as motivating. I used to give them each 2 rooms to clean in their entirety (yes everyday at 5 p.m.) If they did a great job without 3 strikes they won dessert for the night. Strikes came from getting off track, constant reminding and a poor job in the end. Anyhoo, I got this latest twist from a genius teacher who knows how to get little kids to clean up a kindergarten room. I now tell my boys that there is a secret item laying around somewhere that needs to be cleaned up. I set the timer for 15 minutes and whoever happens to clean up the secret item I am thinking of, they get the prize. (Candy out of the halloween bag) It has worked great. They scurry around quickly (which was one way the old way was getting old, they were taking forever and lost their scurrying drive) trying to pick up more than the other in hopes that they cleaned up the secret item. One day it was a spoon lying in the middle of the toy room, another day it was a picture album under the art table. Now unfortunately Parker has picked the item up every time. But he is my wonderful boy who then always chooses a candy with multiple pieces so he can share with the very sad Cooper and mooch Sophie. But tonight I am going to have to stack the deck in favor of my little redheaded sweetpea. I'll just say the secret item is something that I saw him specifically pick up- cuz that is true motherhood love. yay for my clean house!

Ok, for my low. So I got totally shot down today by a teacher in my efforts to be a stellar party planning room mom. I'm not really the room mom, there isn't one. And for many reasons too long to go into here, Parker's class has been a bit discombobulated (I'm sure I nailed the spelling of that!) and has kind of gotten the raw end of the deal in a lot of areas. But that is life. So when the teacher asked me if I could help plan their thanksgiving party, I did what comes naturally, kinda waivered and wanted to bail. But Ritchey reminded me that this is why I am a stay at home mom, so I can do all these wonderful stay at home, kid supportive things. Ok, does this mean I have to get off my bum, put the bon bons away and turn off Oprah. Just kidding of course. So with Ritchey's little pep talk I embraced the idea and got planning. I was going to plan the best party ever for them. I placed phone calls, got prices, made lists. Then I called the sort of teacher (long story) and gave her my ideas. And can I say they were all completely shot down! Yes! She has her mind set on a certain event type and venue, and mine were definetely not along those lines. So God bless her for feeling the freedom to say no thank you. But man, I must admit I was pretty taken a back, bummed and a little frustrated. So there ya go. My first time trying to be all miss room mom, didn't go so well. Their day will be fine, and I"ll still help out where needed, but guess I won't get to do what I do best,  plan and organize the whole shebang.

So there ya go, the day in the life of a stay at home mom.

Preacher's Kid

So Parker, who never tells me anything about school, nada. Not even about gym, recess or lunch, the biggies. He didn't even tell me he had a new teacher. For all I know I drop him off and he skips school all day, finally shared a tidbit, and its kinda funny. "Mom, when I raise my hand a lot to answer questions during Bible time, my teacher calls on me and then tells my other teacher (he has two, one in training), that I do so well and know answers cuz my daddy is a preacher" So my thoughts were, great, you're already being typecast and labeled the preachers kid, I can just see the other kids rolling their eyes. But I was also proud to know he actually raised his hand. (I already knew he has a crazy accurate mind for all things Bible). But he is so shy in school I was shocked to hear he actually raised his hand to answer. I was worried he only answered during Bible time so I asked him if he raised his hand during math, reading etc. and shockingly he does. So there ya go. I'm happy and concerned all at once. Happy he knows God's Word well, happy he feels the freedom and confidence to raise his hand. But I'm also seeing him being that "annoying preacher's kid with all the Bible answers" and then the final concern is that, is this all he will be. That he'll  never know he can skip class, that he can rebel at times, that he can love the dummies and the heathens of the world :) that he would love Jesus really and truly with his heart, soul AND mind. But I also don't want this to be his early phase, he gets burned out by always knowing the Bible answers and living up at the church, that he forsakes us all and rebells forever. So can you tell I'm reading way to much into this simple comment of his. It was funny, but gave me pause, I guess that's all I'm saying.

Chats with Sophie

This morning, in the quiet of Parker and Cooper away at school, Sophie grabbed my hand and sat me down on the couch. Then she went and sat across from me on the comfy chair, crossed her legs and began to chat. It wasn't her words she knew, but her adult chat, she kind of babbles in a way that adults sound like and uses hand gestures that she sees adults use. She was having a chat with mommy. I loved it. I asked her if she would sit across from me like this 20 years from now after getting home late and chat with me. She said yes. Then she went and grabbed her baby doll to rock while talking to me. I asked her if she would come visit me once she had babies and still sit and chat with me. She smiled and said yes and continued to rock her baby. For some reason I never really visited with my parents much or stayed up late catching up with them, I don't know why, it just didn't happen. But Sophie and I had a nice conversation, and I hope I got a taste of years to come.

This and That

oh friends. I have gotten dangerously close to giving up on blogging. Remember how gung ho I was just a month or two ago, but now I see why so many friends have fizzled away. Its not even that I am too busy, in fact things feel a bit slow around here. And really with this crazy crew around here, I do have things to blog about. But its more the feeling of, I don't really feel like it. But I will not give up, cuz in general I am a major giver upper. Ritch and I even laughed at this thought when we were considering enrolling Parker in scouts, well, if he is anything like us, he'll give up eventually. We kinda took comfort in that too, I know weird. So I will try my hardest to not give up.

Also I can't find my camera charger, so my camera is not a trusty friend to this blog these days.

But here are some things that have been going on. Cooper celebrated his much anticipated generic bday at Chuck E Cheese. It was wonderful. It was at 3 o'clock on a Friday and there was't another soul there. Which was great cuz keeping up with the 10 five year olds was enough on its own. A funny story about this was that as always I went cheap. I didn't want to pay the $11 per child just so they could have pizza and a personal visit from Chuck E. so we just brought our own cake, drinks, chips and bought some tokens for everyone. Except for the fact that that fee also reserves you a table and that they didn't let our drinks and chips in, whats wrong with piling toddlers in a couple booths and not having any drinks to wash down my amazing light saber cake. Ritchey said it served me right being a cheapskate. But hey, I saved $100, thats not just chump change folks. Anyhoo, it was a sucess. My mom was in town and the fact she survived a chuck e cheese bday party and living in my own personal chuck e cheese of a home for a long weekend was testimony to how great our weekend was. (minus the fact that her new tradition is to let each child pick out their own bday gift, which is always disasterous. Cooper picked out an entirely new bedroom linen set, yes starwars, nasty scratchy comforter and matching sham and all, it is gross)

Also that weekend the boys had their first rapides junior runner race. This is the first athletic competition or group activity we have ever enrolled Cooper in, so we were curious to see how our little waif child faired. (he is 2T in waist size) And it had been a while since Parker tapped into that drive I know he has somewhere. Well, they both did great. Cooper shocked us all by coming in 4th place out of like 44 boys (6th out of 131kids), he ran the whole 1/2 mile, (with Ritchey jogging along) was beet red at the end, but loved every minute of it. And Parker also did great. He was more aggressive in his starts, and even propelled past a couple people in the homestretch, he too got 12th out of 68 boys. Ritch and I, and my mom, were so excited and so proud. What a funny feeling watching your kids work their hearts out, sweat, painful faces, achy bodies, and do so well. I was almost in tears.

And finally another great parenting idea going on here, not mine, so I can brag. My kids have gotten crazy unruly, disrespectful and disobedient (not out of malice but out of shear energy and inability to even here me barking at them). So we went back to the basics of yes mam and yes sir, no mam and no sir at every level. Because this basic level of acknowledging us, respecting and answering us, really could solve a myriad of issues. So my wonderful early educ. friend gave us the idea of the marble jar. its all about rewards with her, not removals. So every time they replied with yes mam or no sir, or whatever, they get a marble in the jar and when it is full, which it basically is after less than 2 weeks, they get to go to the dollar store. it has been genius. And it is a family jar, so Parker keeps encouraging Cooper to say yes mam as to rack up more marbles. From maybe one yes mam every couple days by our eldest only, we are at at least 10 a day. Its actually kind of annoying at times as they battle for marbles, but it is doing the trick. The energy isn't down around here, but the following guidance and answering me and doing what I ask is definitely getting better.

Here are some pics before I lost my camera case.

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That last pic is of my race for the cure 5k. I love 5ks, just hard enough to work for, but not painfully difficult. I wish they were free, I'd do one every weekend.  I kinda look like I am floating on air here, I normally look this happy and gracefull while exercising :).

ok, so thats that, my wonderul nailbiter of a blog. Sorry I never got that knowing God quote for you. Just go buy the book, it is a classic and a great "going back to the basics with marbles" kinda thing for your faith. Off to bed, alone, Ritch is off on a soul searching retreat. Its good for him, and in the end, good for us